Thursday, October 29, 2009


So. Apparently I haven't blogged in a while. Which possibly explains my pent up word energy that I've steadily been releasing on Twitter. (And, um, real live human people. SORRY GUYS!) I'm, like, energy bipolar or something. I am super exhausted for most of the day but then I hit a certain point in the evening, when I should probably just go to bed, when a switch flips and I'm like SQUEE! INTERNET! and so on and so forth. I'm like a hyperactive child in those bursts. Meh. It's entertaining, I'm sure.

My last post started off all cryptic and depressing and quite frankly I probably owe y'all a real blog post on it but until I manage to do that, let's just say that my mother's effed up relationship choices have put us all in an unsettling situation.

BUT! let's not dwell. This weekend is Halloween. I enjoy Halloween because once I finally make up my mind on a costume (recall: my complete and utter indecisiveness on minor decisions), I usually do a kickass job on pulling it all together. In usually a short amount of time. (Last year, DAY BEFORE.) 

I had a fuzzy idea of what to do and then it morphed into AWESOMENESS. My friend Calee introduced me to the fabulous show "How I Met Your Mother" - and if any of y'all watch that, you may be familiar with the character of.... Robin Sparkles.

If not, allow me to assist:

But wait, there's more!

So, yeah. All in all I've probably gone a tad over my $20 limit (I think I'm still under $30 though, which is still cheaper than outright buying one) but it's going to be freaking awesome. I even found this stellar blonde wig today. It was $7.50 which probably makes it the most expensive individual piece of the costume, but whatevs. 

In other news... I've been adding to my other blog so if you are bored, that one is probably more coherent. Also, I've got my blue belt now, which means I'm in the Advanced Class (dun dun DUNNN)... did Race for the Cure last Saturday (yeahhh I walked), and just all around not much else to really add to this mostly worthless (but video-filled!) post.

And don't worry. I'll post pictures. I always do.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Bad to Worse and Back to Okay

Guys, I had the day from hell. It had some stiff competition from yesterday, and the aching in my head hasn't entirely gone away. That said, I'm not ready to blog about it yet. Maybe tomorrow, or this weekend. I'm starting to bounce back to where I was when today started, which was "tired but okay" and went downhill from there. I just don't have the energy to write a serious post today.

Instead, I'm going to share a couple pics from a super sweet photo shoot I helped my friend Dani with on Sunday. She's a pretty kickass photographer (one of those people that's actually, you know, GOOD, and makes me feel like a shoddy impersonator, which is why I am afraid to even show my art) and was doing a story about shopping for Halloween costumes in the Des Moines area. It was a blast and I managed to not look horrible in the photos I show up in, BUT, I am still costume-less. Last year I slapped something together literally the day before/of Halloween... this year I have time and plans and I am drawing a complete blank. Oh well. It will come to me. I'll just have to be super crafty, cause I'm poor.

Anyway, less rambling, more pictures, right? Right. The full gallery is here and my favorite two pics (well, that I'M in, anyway) are here:

Go look at the rest. They are freaking awesome.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


I had my very first migraine today. It was horrible and awful and I never want to have one again.

Possibly related: I am closing in on 9:30 and am still at work. I'm going to allow it since I had to go home this afternoon because of said migraine. That fucker.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

At Least When You Hit Rock Bottom, There's Nowhere Left to Fall

I don't know whether to cry, stare blankly at the wall, or start screaming obscenities. Knowing my particular temperament, it's possible I could easily fit in all of the above in a two-minute span.

I don't even know where to start. I felt it about a week ago, that I was sliding into one of my downward swings with my depression. It had been a while, so I suppose I was due. At the time, I chalked it to PMS. But unless there's such a thing as Post-MS, I doubt that's it. It's possible I'm having some weird whiplash Seasonal Affective Disorder (Already!?!?! What the fuck, self? It's too damn early to start with that shit.) Not out of the question. It suddenly turned into winter in the blink of an eye. Or maybe I'm just super stressed and I don't know where else to release it so I'm just self-destructing. Also a potential scenario.

Whatever the cause, I am NOT in a happy place.

It started off late last week. I hadn't realized how much I'd really shut off my emotions until they decided to wake back up. I found myself listening to sad songs and reading Dear Old Love, which is an amazing site and brilliant and beautiful and a fantastic time-waster, but it just reminded me (like I had forgotten) how alone I was. Don't get me wrong. I'm cool with being single. But there is only so long you can go before your heart starts to hurt and you start to wonder if you'll ever find anyone again, even if it's only for a little while. Something stirred and I actually FELT the loneliness again. It was unsettling. I've been having more dreams with a love-story theme lately. Not sex dreams, just dreams where I wake up and I feel like there is a hole where it was. It felt real. It was annoying. I don't like it when the emptiness sets in and all you notice is that you're alone. Still.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find it. They say it finds you. Once you stop looking. Well, I gave up looking a long time ago, and all "it" seems to find me with is a persistent unrequited longing. The scenery changes, sure, but all in all, it's the same old shit. It's not fair. I've been patient. Do I ever get to have a turn?

All that aside, I am pushing myself to the limits of what my stress can handle right now. I am overworked and exhausted and throughout random intervals throughout the day I just wanted to sit there and cry. I am falling behind. I do not fall behind. I'm working at 150% and I am still behind. I am working on a huge huge huge client, covering for a coworker who is on her honeymoon, and this plus my normal client load... it's too much. The importance of not fucking up on this account was very explicitly stated when I got assigned to help... therefore all of my other clients got unceremoniously pushed to the backburner, minus a select few. Even they are ranked behind the Biggie, though. So I've been trying to stall as effectively as I can, but I can sense they are getting impatient with me, because things I can normally get to them within 24 hours is now taking three, four, five days. And when she's back and I don't have this client on my plate anymore, I am inevitably going to have to spend some time kissing ass and getting back in their good graces. Which isn't really fair to me because I've spent all this time building good client relationships and I feel like if I strain them too much more, they're going to get a little fragile right now. Fantastic. And it's not like I can be all "oh, sorry, I promise I'll get to this quote, but first I have to handle this other client who is More Important Than You." It sucks. I pride myself on giving stellar service to ALL my clients, even the little ones who only order a few shirts here and there or some business cards. Right now, their requests are piling up and unless I work 20 hours a day, I will not get caught up. And I haven't been able to stay late the last couple nights, so it's making me even more anxious when I DO get in the office because I'm that much more behind. If I could freeze time for about a day and just get caught up with nothing coming in, I'd be set. Oh wait - that would be called SATURDAY. I may finally have to break my rules and work this weekend. I swore up and down that no matter how much time I spent in the office during the week, the weekends were my own. I should have known it wouldn't last.

Did I mention that I skipped my cousin's wedding and the family trip to Tennessee in order to help stay on top of this client? Which, in retrospect, was a wise move professionally AND for my sanity, but I feel guilty, and I am sure someday I will regret it. However, they were technically already married, so it's not quite the big of deal as it could have/would have/should have been. This also makes the first time that I've put work before family. I really hope I don't turn into one of those people.

But, like I said earlier... who the hell cares? It's all I've got. I've got nothing else to channel my energy, my anxiousness, my passion into... so it's my job.

We won't even get into the fact that I am skating through this week on about $10 in reserve and a negative balance in my main checking account and the fact that the city utilties sent me a politely threatening letter that my power's getting shut off if I don't pay my overdue bill by Friday. I wasn't aware that I hadn't paid it last month (oops) but what's sad is I don't even have the $28 I need to pay the damn thing. I'll probably pay it Thursday. That way the check won't get processed until Friday which is payday when I will magically have some semblance of funds again. I'm skating on thin ice, kids. I know you all similarly complain about how broke you are, but odds are, you've never scraped as much of the bottom as I have. I had to juggle between two cards just to make a fucking twelve dollar purchase at Target the other day. I don't have time to donate plasma. When I do get time, it seems as though my iron is frequently low and I get turned away. It's no longer the reliable source of extra income it used to be. And, obviously, with the hours I'm working, I don't have time to get a 2nd job. Though I did apply for a couple part time ones. I might have to bite the bullet and see if local Target will have me. I don't really need any free time anyway, do I? Nah.

But, I said I wasn't going to get into it. I clearly lied.

Anyway. This probably being one of the most depressing blog posts in the history of even me, I'm going to stop talking and go tinker with my other blog. It promises to be slightly more uplifting.

I wish I could afford to drink myself into a stupor tonight. Sigh. If I ever leave the office tomorrow (doubtful), I should scrape together all my loose change and go buy a dollar pint. Or maybe I could just wear something slutty and have someone buy one for me instead. Dream big, Kel. Dream big.

PS - I'm totally kidding. I'm just going to come home and sleep. Like I should be doing now.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I'm Crazy/Awesome. Which Means I'm Both Crazy And Awesome.

Hmm. Shit. I promised a new post. I can see the notebook with my late-night scribbled thoughts lying on the floor by my feet but I'm too damn lazy to type it up and turn it into coherent thoughts right now. I'm tired. My chronically achy knee is bothering me. I didn't really have dinner. I spent more time jacking around with images for my other blog than I actually did writing anything. Which, you know, is fine. It's what I do. But, when I finally get here, my brain just wants to go crawl into bed.

I'm turning into a workaholic. Yes, more so than usual. I worked 12 hours today and didn't even blink. I've got a big new account that I am working on and there's a lot of pressure but I finally found my feet on it so now it's just full steam ahead doing what I do best, and you know what? I'll just say it. I'm damn good at my job. I could eat, sleep, breathe commercial printing (and kind of do?) but I still have room left over to rock at the apparel and promotional stuff, too. I'm fucking unstoppable. Which is convenient, because I am going to have to crank it to 150% for the next couple weeks, and I can't stop, even if I wanted to. Perhaps the fact that I can console myself with my awesomeness is the only reason I don't mind working so hard. It validates me. I don't really have anything else.

Ok, fuck you, knee. I'll find some goddamn painkillers so you'll shut the eff up. And then I'm going to bed. Because, like always, it's suddenly 11:00 and my awake-to-sleep time ration of the day is disgustingly skewed. (Perhaps that is why I came home last Friday and slept an almost-continuous 16 hours.) Sigh.

I'm sure there's a fancier word for people like me than "crazy" but I'll just have to make do with that one, for now.

Monday, October 5, 2009


So, apparently I don't ever post real posts anymore. Oops.

Also, this is just a filler until I get home. Because I started one last night, but fell asleep. To be continued...

EDIT: Yeah, it didn't happen. I spent too much time fighting with the Internet and trying to get things Just So because I am an anal-retentive perfectionist... BUT - I have a new post up on my other blog. And that is where my energy went. I'll try to post here tomorrow what I was going to say today. Or maybe I'll just say something else entirely. Ooooh it's a mystery. Y'all are on the edge of your seats, I know.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Internet Revue: Randomly Beautiful Legos and the Cutest Teef Ever

I don't know if anybody likes these or not, but I am going to keep doing them because I think they're fun.

Random Got Beautiful
Someone posted this on Twitter and I don't quite recall who, but this site is so amazing. It's simple, really, but it's pretty. Just like it says - random images, color schemes, and beauty.

A Cup of Jo: Legos - NYC
Various scenes of New York - built in legos! Awesomeness! Clicky on the linky and see them all!

My Milk Toof
I almost died of cute when I found this. It's kind of like a webcomic, but illustrated in pictures - a pair of baby teeth named ickle and Lardy go on various adventures, photographed by the blog's author Inhae - the pictures themselves are pure adorable (it amazes me the props and staging that goes on here!) as well as brilliantly shot - but when you add the commentary too? DEAD OF CUTE.

That's all for today. It's been a long, exhausting week. Moreso than usual.