After venting out all of my frustrations that I have with men and pinning them all on one poor dude that I barely knew (how DARE he ignore me for an ENTIRE WEEK) - at least, on here, not TO him, obviously, I'm not that crazy - I was feeling much better because I had a lot of pent up feelings like whoa, and then I felt calm. Calmer, anyway.
And so I got ready for TKD, felt a wave of "blargh" wash over me, shrugged it off, bounced down to my car, and kept driving even though I felt like I really wasn't up for any sort of physical activity in a hot, sweltering room that would possibly cause me to pass out. So I went to Target in my not-for-public-viewing sweatpants (ok, there's nothing wrong with them, but, Target! Not Wal-Mart! It's a classy establishment! I was embarrassed. I have defiled the sacred grounds of my sanctuary) to pick up an Rx that I remembered I needed, wandered a bit, came home and immediately scrapped my plans of watching a movie and instead flopped down on my bed and tried unsuccessfully to nap. (I KNOW. I don't even know who I am anymore.)
So, I do the only thing there was to do, and I sent a couple random text messages out to a couple dudes from Match who apparently felt the need to give me their numbers, and then, I figured, what the hell, and I sent one to Dr. M.I.A. just for shits and giggles. Oddly enough he was the only one to respond, with a lackluster apology BUT a legitimate excuse (working 18+ hours a day for the past week or so).
Maybe I'm bored, maybe I'm just not smart, either way, I decided to let it slide. I mean, okay. It was a week. It wasn't the end of the world. It's not even, like, we were officially dating or anything anyway, despite where previous conversations may have hinted the road to be leading. And we texted for a little bit and I emailed a couple of my girls and was like, OK, So. And it was kind of mixed, but their general consensus was, eh, it's weak, but wait and see what happens.
I'm trying to look at this objectively. Because I've gotten really damn good at picking out the guys that will blow me off, it seems. But, along with that, I've gotten really good at spotting the guys that will below me off, and I'm more inclined to avoid them.
The general hypothesis for success in most things is to go with your instinct.
My initial instinct believes that he's not a bad guy. My current instinct is confused but willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. My emo-self is sipping from a flask and shaking her head and is probably convinced that I'm walking straight into a disaster and I'm going to get my heart smashed.
I'm kind of okay with that.
No, seriously, ok, listen.
I've been way too complacent for so long. At least if I get my heart broken, that means that I would have had to have actually used the damn thing, allowed myself to feel, allowed someone else into my life, and allowed myself to take a chance. All things that I have NOT been doing. Besides, my writing and my art was at its best when I was an angsty little shit in college. It's like being damaged helps you with your vocabulary, or something. I don't know.
So, the scenarios here are: give it a shot and (a) nothing happens, back to square one, right where we are now, nothing gained, nothing lost, and maybe a few extra blog posts squeezed out of it (b) it works, but only for a little while, and it's fun while it lasts and then it's done (c) it really works and I've got myself a man. Outcomes range from happiness to heartbreak and maybe I'm just being overly optimistic (where the hell did that come from?) but I don't see either one as being this big, horrible, tragic... thing.
And, hey, if nothing else, I've got two other guys waiting in the wings, and/or I renew my subscription and see what else is out there.
But, for better or for worse, I feel myself drawn to this particular guy, and I want to see where it goes.
So, I wrote this on Monday but I am really OCD about having only 1 post per day, so this one kind of got filed in behind all the other posts I wrote over the last couple days and pre-scheduled, so, um, I think I'm going to NOT write anything else until I catch up with myself. So, you know. I've got a five-day blogging abstinence stretch ahead of me*. HOLD ME.
*Except by the time you read this, that stretch will be over, because it looks like this bad boy isn't posting until Saturday. So you likely won't even notice the difference. Until I possibly hit you with a fricking huge-ass post on Sunday or Monday with, you know, the rest of the week in it.
Also, I think my giveaway is still going. You should probably go enter it. At the time of this writing, your odds are super good of winning something.