Tuesday, August 9, 2011

If You Need Me, I'll Be Over Here With The Covers Pulled Over My Head

Guys. I am burnt out. I have reached this very professional diagnosis by way of the fact that I am, well, feeling burnt out. (I should have been a doctor.) I am exhausted and unmotivated and everything feels like a struggle. I feel crappy more days than not and am wasting too much of my PTO bank at home in bed feeling wretched, instead of being able to use it for something fun on a planned day off. Either that or there's some sort of other underlying medical issue which I refuse to Google because I'll probably change my diagnosis to something completely bizarre and unlikely and probably terminal and then where will we be? I'm going to stick with burnout, since it seems the most likely answer.

That said, I don't know how to fix it, either. I finally had a weekend to myself this past one, where I wasn't driving all over the state, and I'll be honest, I spent the majority of it passed out in my bed trying to recharge myself. I don't know how to get my spark back and I don't know how to get myself back. It's quite frustrating.

Even more so because the more exhausted I get, the easier it is to feel depressed and let all the feelings of defeat and despair crawl back in and lodge themselves in my brain. I don't have the energy to fight them off and so I not only am too tired to run around being awesome like I usually do, but I'm too tired to even mentally feel awesome. And all the bad thoughts take over and that makes it even harder to want to get out of bed.

It's a super-fun vicious cycle, is what it is. It's annoying.

Sorry for the downer post. I'm just cranky and needed to bitch about it.

3 comments:

christa said...

when in doubt, go to the doctor. if you're feeling ill, go to the doctor! i can't stress that enough. see a doctor.
hope you feel better soon. hugs comin your way.

bodena said...

firstly, never apologize for a "downer" post. I greatly appreciate your honesty and I'm terribly sorry you are burnt out. I hate that when I spend more than 12 hours by myself I get depressed. And then I become less and less motivated to do those things I really need to do. I become more antisocial even though not being social is what is making me feel so alone. I find that the best solution is to go do. Go Do. Baby steps back in to the old routine. If you suspect it is something more I greatly advise you avoid WebMD or any likeness thereof. I had to delete it from my phone because I had convinced myself I am a crazy lady constantly on the verge of death. I hope you start feeling better soon. Sending motivation and happy thoughts your way. xoxo.

terra said...

Hugs lady. Sorry you're feeling burnt out. I hope you feel better soon! If this is a consistent thing, I'd agree with Christa and say go to the doctor, just to get checked out.