Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Just... Fuck Everything.

I disappear for a few days and the whole world goes even further to shit than it was before. I seriously don't even know.

In the realm of First World Problems, there is... facebook. Oh, facebook. At risk of sounding patronizing and old, I remember when you were a wee little network, made only of a handful of colleges. And then you grew up to be an asshole. I weep for the good old days. I'm honestly just about over this whole social media thing. Yes. I said it. For starters, it's exhausting to keep up. For seconds, it's not what it used to be - it's not about networking anymore, it's about money and corporate greed. I am also getting a little... paranoid? Is that the right word? I'm trying to cling to the last bits of privacy I have left on the Internet and I feel like goddamn Sisyphus. Everytime I get everything situated, it all falls back down and I have to do it again.

I love the Internet. We all know this. I love connecting, I love meeting people. But facebook is making me nervous, and it's because it's the place where all of my personal information lives. It's my full name and the town I live in and the place I work and who I'm related to and where I went to school. I keep my privacy settings as tight as possible because that is personal information. If I've added you as a friend, it's because I trust you enough to be privy to this information.

In the last few days, facebook has done yet another overhaul that (yet again) everyone is bitching about and will momentarily get over in the next few days. The lists are nice. A very unsubtle ripoff of the Google+ circle idea. The little news ticker in the upper right hand corner is a bit unsettling (I do not need to see Every. Little. Thing. that happens on the network) but ultimately ignorable. The way they are situating the "top stories" and the "regular updates" are a bit arbitrary, but, whatever. The thing that is unsettling me right now is the "subscriptions" feature. You can subscribe to updates to people that you aren't friends with! Which means, if someone denied your friend request, you can stalk them anyway! Super! Except not. I get that it makes sense for, say, celebrities. But I will not once click that "allow subscriptions" button because if I did not accept your friend request, it means I do not want you to see my information. I hate this feature. It makes me irrationally angry. If they ever make this feature non-optional (wherein everyone can automatically subscribe to you whether you like it or not) I swear to you I will delete my account. Fuck that shit. I do not need to be stalked by people I do not know. It's just asking for trouble.

But Kelly, you say. You're being kind of a hypocrite. You're splaying out information everywhere else! IT'S DIFFERENT. With my blog, I control the content. With Twitter, I have an open feed because that's the point... private accounts annoy  me because it seems to me to be defeating the purpose. If it's not something I'm comfortable with complete strangers knowing, I don't post it. Facebook is where I communicate with my friends and my extended family and whoever else I may want to communicate with. I'm already a bit wary of how many people I've allowed in to that network because I still have to watch what I say, but it's not like they're going to come to my house and axe-murder me. The Internet hasn't gotten any safer, guys. But we're all getting a hell of a lot dumber about how we're using it. This worries me.

In similar news, I found this today (facebook TOS in "bro-speak") which was hilarious yet a bit unsettling, but, whatever. We all know that facebook is abusing us and making money off of is. It sucks, but it is what it is.

Basically, it's this: facebook is setting out to become the one network to rule them all.

I don't like this. It's too big. It's too powerful. Only bad things are going to come of this and I'm a bit nervous about that.

In other news: what the fucking fuck is going on with the political landscape in this country? I realize we're never going to get along but why the fuck are we trying to destroy ourselves to prove a point? Seriously. We'd rather watch ourselves burn to the ground than make any sort of compromise for the good of the people. It's beyond rhetoric and sarcasm now; I am genuinely a bit scared. I am terrified of the hate and the bad decisions. I feel so helpless. If we rip ourselves in half to the point of a civil war, you know who's going to help us? Nobody. They're going to heat up some popcorn and watch us destroy ourselves. I am ashamed of the people running this country and I am ashamed of the people that support this hateful behavior. I am disgusted at the groupthink and the torches-and-pitchforks mentality. I just... I don't know. Nothing feels safe anymore.

In recent news: I haven't been following this (I've been sick, remember) but there's a big issue brewing down in Georgia about a controversy about a man being sent to his execution. For Christ's sake, people, if there is doubt, YOU DON'T KILL. I haven't followed the case, I don't know if he is innocent or guilty and quite frankly, I don't care. I have very mixed feelings about capital punishment and I'm not saying it's wrong or right... but if you're NOT SURE, then you DON'T. I mean, fuck. Our judicial system is apparently going to shit, too.

Also, I find it highly ironic that the same people who are all PRO-LIFE! are equally PRO-DEATH PENALTY! (They're also unwilling to help finance these unwanted babies that they insisted be born, and they're quite fond of murdering and assaulting those that would perform an abortion. Hypocritical much? No? Okay.) Apparently your life doesn't mean as much once you're actually born. It's NOT OKAY to terminate a fetus, but it's TOTES OKAY to end the life of an adult who is actually a full-fledged person. Make up your mind. Either it's okay or it's not. You don't get to pick and choose which end of the spectrum is more valuable than the other. If you value life so much, you should value ALL life. God I sound like such a hippie. Whatever. I don't care. Like I said, I have mixed feelings on the death penalty and we all know I'm pro-choice (which is NOT, I remind you, the exact same thing as being pro-abortion). Just... fuck. Whatever. I'm so angry at everything right now.

I'm going to go back to bitching about superficial stuff now. I'm in no state to deal with any sort of self-righteous hate comments. If what I say is offending you then go the fuck somewhere else. It's a big Internet out there. You don't have to play in my sandbox.

You know what else annoys me? Fucking mass facebook messages. Like when someone sends out a message asking for their friends' addresses. And they ALL do the facebook equivalent of reply-all and I get inundated with the addresses of fifty people I don't know. I should just start sending them all mail. They'd be freaked out, I'm sure. That's what you get for being careless with your information. Or, you know. Basically any message that goes out to 30+ people that EVERYONE FUCKING RESPONDS TO. It's annoying. And I don't care who is going to your party. I fucking don't. Use an event page. That's what they're for.

You know what else? People are fucking stupid. I want to stab everyone that uses "your" instead of "you're" and quite frankly that would thin down our population to a more manageable level because it's FUCKING EVERYONE. Did you fail fourth grade? Seriously. You are a fucking adult now. You look like a fucking idiot. And for the love of fuck, if you're doing in it in a professional capacity, you look incompetent and no one will take you seriously. Ever.

Fucking fuck. I just want to sit here and swear until I run out of space but the thing I've learned in the history of my longwinded bloggery is that I don't think Blogger ever cuts you off. I COULD DO THIS ALL NIGHT.

I don't even know what my problem is. I was in a perfectly delightful mood earlier, despite the lingering symptoms from my Step Throat of Doom. It was the Internet. The Internet did this to me. Thou art a nasty bitch, Internet. I thought you were my friend. WHY MUST YOU ANGER ME SO. I think Darwin was full of shit. Because natural selection seems to have gone ahead and stopped being effective a long-ass time ago because look the fuck where we are now. So Darwin, fuck you too.

My chest hurts. I think I'm having a heart attack. Super.

In other news, my birthday is in two days. So there's that. I'll still be on antibiotics so I can't even drink anything. Woo.

EDIT: Oh, we're not done. We're SO not done. You thought we were done? We're not done.

After I finished my ranting I went back to Twitter because I am apparently stupid. There is nothing good out in the world right now. (Except this. I needed to see this. This, this made my heart a little bit warmer and slightly redeemed my faith in humanity.)

Because there was then this. And this broke my heart. Where does it stop, guys? It has to stop. Too many fucking kids - KIDS - are killing themselves over the tormenting they are receiving from their peers. I remember being that age and it sucked. It sucked a lot and parts of that I still carry with me, every time I don't feel good enough or pretty enough or like I fit in. But it's gotten worse.

In the middle of all this fucking mess, fucking Mashable sits there and tweets "HEY GUYS - WHEN DO YOU THINK THE iPHONE 5 IS COMING OUT? HERE'S A POLL!" and I just want to scream at them because WHO THE FUCK CARES and how fucking shallow and inconsiderate and just SO FUCKING SUPERFICIAL. The world is shit, there are crazy people like Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry running around trying to convince people that they would make excellent leaders of the free world, a possibly-innocent man was just executed and YOU ARE FUCKING TWEETING ABOUT A FUCKING HYPOTHETICAL PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY THAT NOBODY *ACTUALLY* NEEDS. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THERE ARE STILL PROBABLY STARVING KIDS IN AFRICA, YOU SHALLOW, SHALLOW MATERIALISTIC BASTARDS.

Seriously. Fucking iPhones. REALLY?!

I miss yesterday. Despite the fact that I was miserable and sick and crawling out of my skin, I was keeping myself thoroughly entertained with lighthearted tweets about said illness. Maybe I'll round some highlights up for you. I was going to do that today until the world happened.

And then apropos of nothing, I started thinking about money. Money is truly at the root of all things evil. The people that have it are (mostly) assholes and the people that don't are struggling to live their lives. I'd be lying if I said I was even in that oft-discussed middle class. I'm barely scraping by. Maybe I'm at the upper end of the lower class, but that's it. Maybe someday I can graduate to that even-more abused tax bracket, but for now, I'm pretty near the bottom of the food chain. I "get" money. I get that it's nice to have. But if you've been blessed enough to have some of that shit, GOD FORBID you actually use some of it to help other people. Fuck you, rich people. Fuck you and your greed. What's ironic is that those same people, the rich ones, are the ones that lean conservative. The conservative side that is ALL ABOUT their Christianity to the point of having to shove it down everyone's throats. You pious fucks. Not only do you not ever get it right, but your greed is the most unChristianlike thing about you.

This was my favorite tweet that I've seen recently:

What really kills me is that I work my ass off, every day, more than forty hours a week, and I'm lucky if I have $20 left on each paycheck to spend on "fun stuff." I can't make ends meet and I'm constantly struggling to keep my head above water. While those asshole millionaires and billionaires sit in one of their five mansions laughing and holding a magnifying glass on us little people like we're ants in the sun. FUCK YOU. (Except maybe Warren Buffett. He seems cool.) You know what? That's not even strong enough language but I don't have anything else. Fuck you and fuck your money. I hope they pass some sort of epic reform and tax the everloving SHIT out of you. You know what? You probably wouldn't even notice. Meanwhile, maybe we'd get some nicer roads or schools and people would finally learn how the fuck to properly use apostrophes.

So while I was trying to calm myself down about the wretched state of affairs in the world which subsequently are having an unfavorable effect on my life, my cat goes and harfs all over my floor.

I cannot catch a goddamn break around here. This week has been the single most miserable week of my life. I've been miserably sick for the first half of it and now that I'm starting to feel better, everything around me is going to shit, I'm out of money, my ability to see the glass as anything other than yet another fucking object that needs washed is gone, and now there's fucking cat vomit on my floor and I cannot handle vomit, guys.  So I clean that up and now I'm out of paper towels and everything just sucks.

Oh, and? And there are goddamn fruit flies all up in my kitchen. They show up from time to time. I get lots of bugs. It's an oldish house. Usually spiders. Other crawly things. I've made my peace with them. But the fruit flies are fucking annoying. GO THE FUCK AWAY. They all swarmed me when I walked into the kitchen to grab a garbage bag and between that and the cat vomit, I hit my breaking point.

You know what happened next, Internet? I will tell you. I sat down and just fucking cried. That's what happened next. Because I give up. I don't know what I did to deserve such a pile of shitty things falling down on my head, and I'm aware that in the grand scheme of things, I still don't have it that bad, but my emotional state has been stretched so thin that there is nothing for me to do but cry and yell at my computer and then go to bed and hope everything is better tomorrow.

Because if it's not, then I don't know. I just don't.

BONUS CHALLENGE: if someone would like to tally up the number of times I used the word "fuck" or some variation thereof in this post, I am actually quite curious to find out but have no desire to go back through and count them for myself. I'll get you a bonus prize the next time I do a giveaway. Or something.

Thanks for listening, peeps. You're the only part of the Internet that I don't hate today.


chimes said...

wow that's a mega rant.

side note, i was wondering when the dictionary is going to make it acceptable to use "your" the way everybody in the fucking free world inappropriately uses it. It happens. Someday, it will be acceptable.

also, conservatives are retarded. it's OKAY to kill somebody if they may have possibly done something wrong. but it's NOT OKAY to kill a mass of cells that aren't formed into anything yet. What if Hitler was aborted? I bet they never thought of that.

Julie said...

You said "fuck" or "fucking" 40 times. Not including the last one asking how many times you used it, so technically 41.
And then there is one in YOUR comments, so we're up to 42. (Even though you only asked how many times you said it and not someone else, but I'm just trying to earn brownie points.)

ameena said...

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry you're having such a terrible week! But I'm glad it gave you an excuse to mega-rant because amen, sista! All of these things needed to be said. I hate facebook. Loathe it. I've tried kicking the habit several times but I always come crawling back. So instead I've appeased myself by deleting 2/3 of my friends, erasing ALL of my personal information, and only logging in for my own vain, selfish reasons. As far as the subscriptions thing goes - I do know that people who subscribe to you will only be able to see what you post as "public" rather than "friends". Fucking facebook. Also, fuck the right wing.

I wish there was a way to send hugs through the internet. I hope you feel better soon (fuck strep throat, too).

Steph A said...

Aw! Hugs. I hear you loud and clear. Except i'm not sure what the whole millionaires-with-magnifying-glasses thing was about. Seems to me the mega rich are all "...guys, you could totally tax us a little more" and all the Republicans (many of whom seem to be pretty poor people, in my experience) are all NO! FUCK NO! TAX THE POOR PEOPLE INSTEAD!

I lol'd at the cat harfing bit. Sorry. :)

OH, and the facebook-mega-message-reply-to-all thing? I FUCKING HATE THAT. NO I'm not going to type my address out for forty strangers, thank you very much! Ugh.

Terra said...

I could respond to all these rangy points one by one, but mostly you should know that I agree with you on everything.

And this whole recent business with the death penalty has made me realize I'm against it. I guess it's a good idea in theory, but the bottom line is it's really, really hard to prove crimes that warrant the death penalty. Eye witnesses seer often wrong or confused and it just doesn't seem at all okay to kill people based on someone's memory of a traumatic event.

Tori said...