Thursday, October 13, 2011

A Feeble Attempt at Cultural Relevancy

I love movies. I truly do. I am way behind on movies that I want to see and I suck at Netflix because by the time my DVD shows up, I'm not in the mood to watch it and my queue is out of control and I'm really glad they backpedaled and decided to keep all of their services under the same umbrella because my biggest fear with them moving DVDs to Qwikster was their note that the two sites would not be integrated and I was going to entirely lose my queue.

Watching DVDs is not the same as the movie theater experience. I spent all of my money in high school going to movies with my friends over the summer. (We shall not discuss how very much I miss those days, at least in the being carefree and able to waste all my time/money at the movie theater. Bliss.) I don't know if it's a time thing now, or a money thing, but I just don't go as often as I used to.

I still have not seen the last Harry Potter movie. I really, really wanted to see it on the big screen, because it's supposed to be epic, plus it would be a nice symmetry, as I saw the very first movie on the big screen. It's currently at our "dollar theater" which is the last stop before movies come out onto DVD so I really need to schedule myself some time to go. The showtimes are ridiculous, though. 4:55 (hi, not done with work yet) and 9:00pm (hi, bedtime.) Which means I'd have to go on a weekend. Which have been thoroughly eaten up by prescheduled activities since three months ago and continue to be booked up until November.

This leads to my actual post: there are some movies that, quite frankly, I have no desire to see. My sister has accused me of being a movie snob and she's probably right. I've gotten to be really, really picky about what movies I will watch. (also: my time is very valuable and if I'm going to watch a movie, I'd prefer it not suck.) (Which sounds a lot douchier than I meant it, but my schedule is stupidly full and I have to budget my time accordingly. It's actually kind of hard to carve out two hour chunks of doing only one thing at a time.) I've had really good luck, though, with finding movies I like. Probably because I'm so picky and by the time a movie passes through all of my various levels of arbitrary unwritten criteria, it's bound to be a winner. Either I'm already predisposed to like it because I think I will like it... or I've gotten really effective at weeding out movies that I won't like. Chicken or egg. Who knows.

It's possible that I've missed out on some great movies, but I've missed out on a lot of awful ones, too, so it's a tradeoff. I rely very, very heavily on word of mouth and the general opinion of my Internet circles. Sometimes a movie will surprise me. I like when this happens. I like being pleasantly surprised.

However, usually, I am armed with just enough knowledge to be dangerous, and I will avoid movies like the plague that I think are going to be terrible. (Or, as in the case with a couple of the movies below, I will avoid because of certain genre characteristics and/or there is something in a particular movie that makes me a bit wary of watching it. It's not always solely that I think it's going to be a bad movie. It's sometimes simply that I don't think it will be a movie that I, personally, would like. Just like any other form of media or entertainment, it is all very subjective.)

With that, I present to you a new feature here on the blog, which may or may not happen again (as with all features on this blog), called: Movies I Will Not Be Seeing.

Let's begin.

WHY: Oh, where do I start? I think this is supposed to be a comedy, but it looks like a trainwreck. Additionally, I do not need to SEE the movie, because the entirety of the plot and resolution was given to me in the trailer. Here, allow me to break it down for you: Blonde Single Girl (played by Anna Faris, who I don't particularly care for anyway) is a loveable slut. Not like a slutty slut, but, you know. One of those Single Girls who can't catch a break and has slept with a whole string of men, undoubtedly because she has low self-esteems and is desperately trying to seek a connection. Blah blah, something. Anna Faris then finds some study or article and freaks out because she doesn't want to over-slut herself past the Abitrary Number of men she's supposed to be with/have been with before Getting Married (the ultimate goal of all Single Girls, you know.) So she does what anyone would do in this situation: she looks up all of her exes to see if any of them are worth a second shot, because they totes don't count if she's already slept with them. This whole thing makes me want to smash my face into my pillows. Firstly, GAH. Secondly: there's just something about the whole message of this that seems... off... to me. I can't quite put my finger on it, but my feminist red flags are going up. Probably something akin to who the fuck cares how many dudes you've dated and/or slept with and just generally wanting to punch Anna Faris's character in the face. Also maybe because it somewhat reeks of "it's better to get back together with one of your shitty exes than be single" or something. Exes are exes for a reason. Also: being single is not the end of the world. Anyway. I can't seem to articulate what my problem is with this premise so let's move on. There's a side/sub-plot involving Chris Evans (CALL ME), the hottie man-whore neighbor who gets together with Anna Faris for something or other (they're going to help each other with their love lives? because that always works out) and then eventually offers to go with her to her sister's wedding which obviously is the Blonde Single Girl equivalent of Happily Ever After. I mean, please. You can see that plot "twist" coming from a mile away and the previews basically spell it out for you in case you are too stupid to figure out that while Anna Faris hooks up with all her exes, she is meanwhile going to fall in love (or at least hook up with) Chris Evans. Whatever. I have lost almost all my interest in the traditional romantic comedy/chick flick because they are so predictable and they're getting kind of lame.

WHY: The trailer didn't offer much information and so I really didn't know one way or the other about whether I wanted to see it, other than Ryan Gosling is beautiful so maybe, but then I was reading an article or review or something and it was talking about how graphically violent it was. Violence! Blood! Gore! More violence! Eeeeek no thanks. I'm somewhat squeamish and don't do overly graphic movies. Critically, though, the movie itself is supposed to be good. I think I've heard it classified as "European art house-esque." Throw the word "art" at me all you want... I can't do anything that graphic.

MOVIE I WILL NOT BE SEEING: Paranormal Activity 3. Or any of them.
WHY: I don't do scary movies and I got kind of squirmy just having to sit through the trailer for this.

As for the other movies that are out right now... Contagion kind of freaks me out because I know I'll be all sorts of paranoid after seeing it because it's one of Those Types of Movies... I saw The Ides of March last weekend and it was really good - kind of a slow-building, tense political movie, if you're into that sort of thing (also: Ryan Gosling AND George Clooney). Probably my favorite part of this is that, while accurate in capturing the essence of the movie, the trailer didn't tell you the major driving plot twist. It was actually very refreshing to not know too much about it going in... because we are all apparently so stupid nowadays that they have to spell out the entire plot of the movie via the trailer in order to get us to see it (see: What's Your Number. Or, rather, don't. I do not support this movie.) Anyway, I would recommend this one if you were thinking you maybe wanted to see it. I would like to see Moneyball as well. I'm kind of curious about the Footloose remake, though I am on principal opposed to them tampering with my beloved 80s classics, so I'll probably wait until it's on DVD. Also: I kind of want to see The Lion King in 3D because yes 3D is overhyped and overdone and cliche but I love this movie and I'd love to see it on the big screen again (if I even saw it on the big screen the first time, I don't remember). If Disney went back to their original model of re-releasing their animated movies into the theaters every seven years (instead of their accursed Vault system), I'd totally pay money to to go see them. I AM A NOSTALGIC SAP, SUE ME.

I don't know anything else about any of the other movies that are currently playing so I'm just going to assume that they are not going to interest me and I shall await the next big batch of movies which is either Thanksgiving or Christmas, I don't remember. Unless I start to hear some buzz about them in which case perhaps I will look into them further.

In the meantime, I should probably watch this copy of Whip It that's been sitting on my coffee table for two months so I can get my queue moving along again. I could have bought the DVD probably thrice over by now in the amount of times I've paid my monthly fee and not watched it. Sigh.

What have you seen lately? Any recommendations? 


chimes said...

50/50 — I want to see that. Ides of March was really good too.

Paranormal Activity (the first one) was really good. I know you don't like scary movies ... but ...

also, I'm with you on Contagin — though there are sooooo many good ppl in it.

Ashley, the Accidental Olympian said...

I saw Whip It with a friend in Olympia, walked out so excited I joined roller derby the NEXT DAY.

The movie is amazing. Also, I can probably never watch it again because doing so will make me sad and make me miss roller derby.

God I love that sport. Why do people have to be lame and ruin it for me?

Megs said...

So I am not watchnig What's Your Number because slut shaming is not my thing, and also I'm a little disgusted that we are acting like a single woman in her 30s sleeping with 20 guys is a huge number and even if it people still give a shit about this?

And I won't watch Drive because in the trailer he says something about the East Coast Mafia. The fuck? Firstly, we all know the mafia doesn't exist, or at least all of us who generally love mafia movies know this and secondly, did we need to specify by coast?

I watched the first paranormal activity and didn't sleep for a week. The preview for the third one freaks me out because I remember that whole bloody mary thing and I would never do it as a kid never know, right?

Saw Harry Potter in the theater for my anniversary. Because we went to see the very 1st one together when he was only my boyfriend and thought I was a huge dork for wanting to see it and then ended up being a bigger fan than me.

I won't watch anything intended to be depressing. Maybe that's not very deep of me, but I'm watching a movie to be entertained or maybe to think. Not to desire my own death or anything.

Kelly L said...

@CHIMES - NO paranormal activity, I don't care how "good". NO NO NO.

@ASHLEY - I wanted to do roller derby after going to my first bout. Fortunately for the interests of keeping my limbs in tact, I am terrified of roller skates. Otherwise, I would be awesome. I would totally bodycheck the hell out of other girls. PENT UP RAGE WHAT.

@MEGS - Ok so you summed up my entire disdain for What's Your Number in like one sentence and it took me an entire paragraph of verbal flailing. This is why I love you. You = me. Also: DUDE I am totally with you. If I wanted to be depressed I would just hang out in my brain for a while and not take my meds. I want to be entertained. I like deep movies every once in a while... but I am easily entertained by shit blowing up and sometimes that's all you really need.

terra said...

Don't hate me but I kind of adore Anna Faris because House Bunny is the most adorable movie ever and it's actually about girl power and just being whatever weird creature you are. But I'm still with you on her latest movie because really, who cares how much peen you've gotten?