Saturday, February 26, 2011

What a Difference a Year Makes

Tonight is prom. If you're just joining us, no, I'm not some creepy cougar attending a high school event. Gross. This is GROWN UP prom, with rampant liquor consumption, ridiculous dresses, and a kickass amount of fun. FOR CHARITY.

Anyway. I'll be back to tell you more about prom tomorrow, or Monday, depending on how much of the aforementioned liquor I decide to consume, but first I want to talk about something else.

This event seems to have some sort of curious symmetry attached to it, in so far as my emotional state.

Two years ago, I think it was kind of the epiphany point where I realized that I had, despite my best efforts to ignore it, developed a Thing for one of my guy friends. The beginning of a year-long mess of wasted emotions and rejection and being miserable.

Last year, prom was kind of the beginning of the end of that Thing, as it was becoming very obvious that there was nothing left at all to hang onto, not even in the furthest stretches of my optimism. It kind of put a damper on the evening for me - not entirely, it was still a shitload of fun, but it might have been better if I wasn't drunk and sad, getting drunker and sadder as it went on. I threw in the towel after prom. Shortly thereafter, he started dating this other girl, as I already suspected he would, and it was actually a remarkably short time period that lapsed before my jealousy waned into indifference.

This year... well. This year I am going into prom with no half-crushes or brutally-painful-and-devastatingly-pointless crushes... this year I am free.

However, the reason I'm even writing this post... today, I saw on facebook that he is now engaged to that girl, as of probably yesterday.

Perhaps that's irony, perhaps it's just another coincidence.

I'm not jealous... I can't say as though I'm bursting with enthusiasm, but I truly don't care. I really don't. I mean, there was a half a second of being miffed - because, after all, I AM STILL SINGLE, HI - but then my only interest in the situation became the weird parallels between each of these three proms. And, of course, to write about it. A, B, C. The switch goes on, the switch goes off, and the weird epilogue that followed.

It feels like it's been longer than a year. I can barely remember having those intensely present feelings, but I know at the time, they were consuming. It's shitty to harbor any sort of unrequited affection, but especially when it's for a friend and for someone you see almost every day. Who then goes officially off the market and subsequently even more off the market.

I'm not surprised by this latest turn of events; I assumed it would happen eventually after they moved in together. I'm a little surprised by how quickly this series of events fell into place, but I suppose sometimes it just happens that way.

Not to me, of course. I've got my cat and my laptop and my messy apartment, my life. I also have, at least tonight, a red dress and sparkly shoes and I'm going to wear red lipstick for the first time pretty much ever because for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm the sort of person who can wear red lipstick and get away with it. I've never even been confident enough to wear it inside the privacy of my home, but tonight? I'm wearing it out for the world to see. Because another thing that happened over the last year is that I slapped a little more sense into myself and learned to quit beating my head against a wall. No more pining over anyone. Let them pine over me instead.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some prettying up to do.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I need more adjectives! Someone bring me more adjectives!

It's that time again! Time for one of my very sporadic and very rare reviews on something.

Today:



I am so very much in love with this album. Bordering on obsession, really.

I'd heard some murmurings on Twitter about it, that it was awesome, etc. I didn't really pay attention because sometimes Twitter is just *noise* and it's too much information. Then one day I was actually checking my feed and someone had retweeted a tweet from NPR to stream the album before it was released here in the U.S.

So I figured, what the hell, I'd see what the fuss was about.

By the time I'd reached the height of the first chorus, I was absolutely blown away. I was so in love with this music that I was, like, giddy.

I'm not good at describing music, even though I used to write a little bit for the Des Moines Music Coalition website, so I don't really know what words to use. iTunes classified it as "R&B" so I guess that is probably the best category for it... it truly is a soulful type of music, at least insomuch as it sounds like she's pouring her soul into every freaking song.

Firstly: Adele's voice is fucking off-the-charts amazing. The only other vocalist that has made me go "holy shit!" like this is Lzzy from Halestorm (whom I've previously discussed as being my favoritest band). Where she just belts it out and you can't help but just be in awe. Both of them do this, in very different ways, but just as mind-blowingly awesome.

Secondly: she uses that voice as a goddamn weapon. This album managed to strike a chord emotionally - not even any of the specific content, just the way it was all so beautifully crafted together. It absolutely broke my heart in the best way possible and I was emotionally exhilarated by the time the first listen was done.

I downloaded her first album, 19, from Amazon shortly after. It's good, but nothing like this one. This one just blows me away every time I listen to it.

And I had to listen to it via the Internet for two freaking weeks until the actual CD came out yesterday. And, yes, I went and bought the physical CD from Target. I do that sometimes. Not nearly as much as I used to do. But sometimes.

I now have it loaded on to my work computer, my new laptop, my main laptop, and the CD is in the stereo in my bedroom and I'll probably burn a copy for my car. That way I always have easy access to it until my obsession wanes. Yes, I know. I'm a special snowflake.

Also, it is very important to listen to it with good speakers. My new laptop's speakers suck. They're very tinny. Not a huge deal. I put it in the stereo in my room and I actually had to turn it down because the bass in "Rolling in the Deep" almost, like, killed my system. IT CANNOT HANDLE THE GREATNESS OF THIS. But yeah. I feel very strongly about listening to this only with quality sound.

I'm glad my direct downstairs neighbors are in Texas for the week. Because it's high-volume all week in this house. My mysterious Third Neighbors? Um, well. I hope they like this CD too. Because if they are directly beneath my room like I suspect that they are... they're probably getting some reverb down there.


No, I was in no way compensated for this nor did I receive a free copy or any such. Blah, blah, blah.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

GPOYW: Fedora Edition

So I bought a fedora at Wal-Mart for $5 the other day. Because it was on clearance, and also because it's one of those things you can never find when you need one. (I'm looking at you, Halloween 2008.)

And then I took a bunch of ridiculous pictures of myself wearing it. Because, why not?

And then I applied a bunch of filters. Because I could.

And now I'm posting one. Because I have nothing else to do instead.


If I don't smile, you can't see my second chin.


Two more days til the weekend... and... MARDI GRAS PROM. Yes, it will be epic. Yes, I will post pictures. I would never disappoint you like that.

Monday, February 21, 2011

She Lives!

I am terribly sorry, my lovelies. It wasn't until Megs emailed me to make sure I was still breathing that it occurred to me that I had not posted in days. I've thought about it but never really made it as far as my computer to do so. I've simultaneously had lots of random things to say, and nothing really to say at all.

Firstly, I'm finally starting to feel more human, I've been exhausted to ridiculous levels lately, I'm wondering if maybe my iron levels are low again. I haven't donated plasma in ages upon ages for them to tell me when this is the case. If so, it's an easy fix. And I'd really prefer not have to go to the doctor and pay a co-pay. Because they'll probably find a way to bend me over the table with stupid extra fees. In related news, I finally paid this bill that I'd kind of been stewing over since they demanded I pay it in full or else they would probably have to send a collection agency after me. Fuck you too, you money-grubbing assholes. Side note: my elbow is STILL not bionic.

Secondly, I had a fun weekend hanging out with my girls on Friday and then I went to the ADDYs on Saturday, which will probably get its own post because I took some delightfully dorky pictures this year. I'm not above playing favorites with my projects (which is why I should never have children, I WILL have a favorite), and it took home a gold again this year. Delightful!

Thirdly, I got an email from Best Buy today and the laptop I've sort of been eyeballing was on special sale for President's Day aka the lamest holiday ever and so I finally just bit the bullet and ordered it. My beloved Mac needs to be a stationary fixture these days because her battery life is about thirty seconds and my entire LIFE is on that thing, so I don't really want to haul it around. So I started poking around for a cheap, small, light, portable laptop or netbook, and decided that for an extra couple hundred, I may as well buy a "real" computer instead of a netbook, even though they are cute and very portable.

I would just like to point out that this laptop cost me LESS than my elbow stitches.

Also it was really warm for like three days and all the snow melted and it's magical but today it's cold again which is upsetting. Also, I think I am going to start Weight Watchers because I am so tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see.

And I found $8 in dollar bills floating around my apartment and thus just had a delightful sammich. Not made of dollar bills, obviously. But purchased with them.

(Alternate title of this post: Dollar Bill Sandwiches But Not Really).

-FIN-

Monday, February 14, 2011

My Imaginary Valentines

Apparently, I'm a terrible person for not liking Valentine's Day.

I'm just as sick of people jumping down my back about not liking it, as I'm sure they are about me and those like me complaining about it. Fair enough. I think the camps of Pro-VD and Anti-VD are pretty evenly split. I can see why people like it; it just doesn't strike my particular fancy.

This has nothing to do with the fact that I'm single. Whether I'm in a relationship or not, I hate this holiday. When I'm in a relationship, it feels like an awkward and forced occasion; when I'm not, it's really not much more than a blip on the radar, I guess. But when people insist on shoving it in my face, it's kind of an echo of the continued state of loneliness I've been in lately. This year more than others. I don't know.

In concept and in practice, I just don't feel any particular attachment to this holiday. I don't find it to be as obnoxious as I used to, but when people are militant about how great it is and get annoyed that you don't love it just as much as they do, or make it feel like you are personally attacking their happiness by your personal preference to be indifferent, then my indifference actually gives way to the disdain that I had packed up and put on the shelf. I wonder how many of those people have actually spent multiple Valentine's Days alone. Year after year after year of it being shoved in your face that nobody wants you, that you've got nobody to make "special plans" with. When you're nobody's Valentine. It's bad enough on a day to day basis, especially when you start crawling into your late twenties and are alone. You get judged enough anyway. It's not really particularly something you need to be reminded of. In flashing pink and red lights, as it were.

I guess I don't feel bad if I'm raining on anyone's parade. I've earned my apathy.

My former years of bitterness towards the holiday have melted into less of the "this sucks because I'm single" to "this sucks, period" - even if I had a significant other today, I'd probably be equally as cranky. I'm probably a walking cliche, but I guess I just don't feel like there should be a singular day where you are obligated to shower your SO with affection. Maybe it's that little hopeless romantic part of me that I've tried unsuccessfully to kill, but I guess I'd rather have something continual year-round rather than focused on one day where everyone else is doing the exact same thing. Little things year round, rather than one big display of affection on an arbitrarily mandated day.

I can't help but roll my eyes at the aisles of pink plastic trinkets and fuzzy stuffed animals, and boxes of chocolate (until February 15, mind you. CLEARANCE TIME, aww yeah) and everything of the sort. You can't buy love.

But, whatever. If you like it, great. Go have your fancy dinner and your romantic evening, I won't hold it against you. I'm happy you're happy. But I am going to hang onto my personal disdain for the commercialism, similar to the crankypants I put on when Christmas starts rolling out in September. At least I'm consistent.

Anyway. I've gotten wayyyyyyyyy off track.

Because I would like to take this opportunity to share with you my current List. (You know. The LIST.) It's roughly in order, ish. I'm not in a position to be picky, though. Any of the below will be fine. I would revoke any and all negative sentiment towards V-Day for any of these dudes. exception for each and every rule, I suppose.


1. Ryan Reynolds.

A million points to my coworker who made a series of brilliant V-Day cards.
This one was obviously my favorite.



Have you ever run a Google Image Search for Ryan Reynolds? There are just... no words. I may need a few minutes to myself, if you'll excuse me.


2. Josh Duhamel




3. Robert Downey, Jr



4. Bradley Cooper

Why yes, that IS Bradley Cooper in a bathtub. The Internet is a magical place.


5. The object of affection in Sugarland's "Stuck Like Glue" video which is hilarious even though I hate country music.



Google tells me his name is Ryan McPartlin. And that he's basically done nothing else of note. Whatever.

I'd stalk him too, Jennifer.


Anyway, that's all I've got today. Have fun with your Day O' Love.

For the rest of us - here's one more gratuitous pic of a shirtless Ryan Reynolds. My gift to you.

You. are. welcome.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Story #1, Part 2

Ready for the AWESOME STORY I promised you in my last post? IT IS TIME.

First, a little backstory. (<-- Read this, I'll wait.)

You were too lazy to click that link, weren't you? FINE I will summarize. Last summer I attempted online dating for the dual purpose of (a) you know, finding a man and (b) providing myself with some interesting blog material. Mission A failed, Mission B was temporary and caused more angst than fun stories, so, fuck it. BUT! The first post I posted in this chapter (CLICK THE LINK I REALLY DON'T WANT TO RETYPE IT ALL), was a dude that contacted me that I decided would be perfect for my friend Molly. Yes, I know, FAIL.

So I put them in communication with each other and they hit it off via email and I never updated you on the situation because after taking his bar exam, the Lawyer didn't have immediate employment and moved back home to Wisconsin. Sad trombone. Story... closed?

ALAS! No!

On Friday night, we were hanging out at Molly's and looking up pictures of puppies (what? is that not how YOU spend your Fridays?) when lo! We went to go email some pictures to my sister and in Miss Molly's inbox was an email from... the Lawyer!

Local-Maria & I crowded over Molly's shoulder and we all eagerly awaited the contents of the email. Naturally the Internet chose that moment to temporarily freeze up, which naturally only heightened the suspense.

Turns out, the Lawyer is back in the area and yes this is random and he's not sure if she remembers him but would she perhaps like to pick up where they left off and meet up sometime in the near future?

I bet you can imagine the level of girlish squealing that then took place. If not, clearly you are Not a Girl and have not spent much time around them.

THIS IS FATE, GUYS.

So she has not set up a date yet, she wanted to get past her birthday and Valentine's Day first (cause, you know, that's just awkward) and then... well and then it will probably become not my story to tell.

In the meantime: SQUEE!

PS, for those of you who were concerned, I got my hair color fiasco figured out. I think. I bought a box, was a bit hesitant, went to the Garnier site, looked at their colors, picked out the one I thought was correct, hunted it down at Target, and did it last night. It seems a bit... darker? I don't know. But the name of the color sounded more familiar and it felt like it was a 3-digit code rather than 2, but... I dunno. Whatever. It's done. All is well. And I even made sure to save the little swatch from the box this time. AND WE ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER FOR NOW.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Lady in Red

I'm exhausted, guys. Mentally, emotionally. We're going to talk about something else now. Maybe for a while. I don't know. The previous post kind of wiped me out of the last bit of fire I had for now.

I don't really know how to explain the level of tiredness I feel. I feel like I'm making myself out to be some sort of Awesome Person but I'm not. It's not even truly my fight to be fighting. (Granted, it wasn't his, either. It affects neither of us, truly.) Maybe in this happy little world I've built around myself, the people I've chosen to surround myself with, the environment I've chosen to be in... that level of venom is so foreign to my system. It's toxic. I'm not used to it. It's not that I've never seen it, or felt it, or encountered it before. It's just that I've done a pretty damn good job of isolating myself from it. Who wants to live that way? Perpetually on edge, always angry? Not me.

So we're going to lighten things up and totally change the fucking subject.

Here were the things I was going to talk about yesterday when I "wasn't going to talk about my day" instead.

Point 1: The Great Hair Color Debacle of '11

So I've had this particular hair color since, well, Thanksgiving, actually. I dyed it that very night after a failed attempt the night before. (Note to self: two boxes for any new color, 1 box for every touch up after. MAKE SURE YOU GET IT ALL COVERED FIRST. Or your sister will make fun of you.) I can remember without fail the color I used before this, the face and expression of the woman on the box. The number. And if I couldn't, well, there's that little tearaway part from the box top that you keep to take with you to the store next time. Which is on a shelf in my bathroom next to the kleenex box. Still have that one.

CAN'T FIND THE NEW ONE.

And I'm not 100% sure about the color or the model, though I was pretty sure, I thought, maybe, but dammit, if only I had the number to be sure.

Yeah. No. Can't find it anywhere.

So I was at Target the other night, scanning the shelf. Target is notorious (this happens to me ONCE and it becomes such) for reducing the selection of hair colors when they do a re-arrange, which now forces me to go to Wal-Mart if I ever want pre-November color back. They still have it. AND our Target is going through an epic remodel, which is kinda nice, I guess, except for I don't know where anything is anymore (TRAGIC) aaaaand their hair color shelf is apparently not a high priority. There were a lot of gaps. I saw a couple that MIGHT be it, but, oh, they aren't all here to make a full comparison. So I don't know.

The logical conclusion was, then, to go to Wal-Mart. I know for a fact they carry a full selection.

Still wasn't sure. I grabbed the box that I was mostly sure it was and bought it and brought it home and it's still in the bathroom because.

I've been playing with my hair color for probably ten years now. I've only had it professionally done once. I'm well versed in the ways of box color. (Minus the singular incident in 2004 when some sort of chemical reaction occurred and my hair turned dark lavender. No, there are no pictures. Yes, this is a pity. Blame my mother. She thought I wouldn't want any. SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME AT ALL.)

Buuuut the problem with reds is that it's so close to... orange.

I do not want orange hair.

I do not want an emergency appointment at a salon to FIX said orange hair. I do not want to make things worse in an attempt to fix it myself.

It's a tightrope, playing with the reds. At least in my paranoid mind.

If I don't have the right box, I can't be far off. Maybe it goes a little more bright red than auburn. Who knows. I just... I'M AFRAID.

I HAVE to have the old box top somewhere. I kind of want to give it another day or two, to either sway my confidence back to the side away from irrational paranoia... or, more importantly, to FIND VERIFICATION THAT THIS IS THE CORRECT COLOR. My roots aren't that bad, I mean, they are, but they're barely noticeable unless I point them out, because my ashy blonde whatever that's underneath, is at least the same relative value as the current shade, if not the same hue. I can hold out. It won't be a big deal.

(Edit: I am not on the Garnier site looking at the different colors and I am very convinced I have the wrong one, but I cannot quite tell which one I do want. LIFE IS SO HARD.)

Also, this story is much longer than it was meant to be, so you'll have to get Point 2 later. Which is completely unrelated so I'm not going to mash them together. But it's actually the BETTER of the stories (I KNOW, HOW COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE) so you should probably be excited, provided I remember to tell it.

EPILOGUE: I also bought new shampoo (and conditioner!) and I am kind of ridiculously excited to try it out. YES, THIS IS MY LIFE NOW. Being a grownup is FUN.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Through the Wringer

I don't even want to talk about my day today because it frustrates me and it's fucking exhausting speaking up for what you believe in against someone who picks fights just to pick fights and be argumentative and an all-around asshole and who makes me so fucking angry that I am damn near shaking but I will not back down because what would that do? I will not let him win. (So, I guess we're talking about my day after all. Oops.) I wish I had a dollar for every time I got called ignorant and clueless today. Actually, I don't. I would forgo these minimal riches just to keep my serenity intact. Anyway, I just feel... spent. Worn out. And strangely, like I accomplished something, even if all I did was stand up for myself, repeatedly and without end. Ugh. It's an argument I will never win, not here, not now, but I held my own and I kept my chin up. That's got to count for something, right?

Long story short... one of the husbands of one of my dear friends was basically trolling around my facebook profile and had something to say for EVERYTHING I posted the other day (re: gay marriage. My letter. Even a Dr. King quote I posted. No, seriously. Even that.) It started on Saturday (hence this cryptic post) and just kind of fucking blew up today.

Not only did he insult everything I believe in, or that he assumed me to believe in, based on my generalized viewpoint of being one of those dirty liberals, but he stretched the argument beyond the issue at hand to make grand generalized assholic statements about people with my views. (Hey, guys, did you know liberals are incapable of raising productive members of society? APPARENTLY.) And made it about other issues. And mostly, made it about religion. Which is exactly the problem. Religion needs to be separated from this. It's a state issue now. It's a battle being fought in the courtrooms. I don't give a fuck what your religion thinks, your religion can do whatever the hell it wants, that's the beauty of the First Amendment. I don't care if your religion denies same-sex marriage - it has the right. Just like everyone has the same equal protections and rights under the law. Or should.

But I'm not going to repeat the whole thing here. Because a lot of his counter-arguments were, I feel, below the belt and uncalled for and completely, completely irrelevant to the situation we were discussing, and quite frankly, if I spend too much time on either of those comment threads again, I will probably start smashing things because it's just too much fucking negative energy and I'm not used to it.

I am not a hateful person. I do not believe in hate, much the same way I do not believe in regret. In place of regret, I believe in lessons learned. In place of hate... I don't know.

But if hate were an emotion I allowed myself to feel, I was pretty damn near close to it today.

I'm going to be honest. It hurt. His words hurt. Sticks and stones, blah blah. Words are weapons, and they can cut you. But with each insult, each accusation, they got more and more away from the point and I wonder now if maybe he wasn't just using me as a verbal punching bag for everything he felt was wrong with the world. It's possible. I would have been an easy target today.

But each time, each attack, I took a breath and I started typing. I didn't let him cut me down, I didn't let him make me cry. I am strong, and more importantly, I am right.

More than once I got asked by other people why I didn't just defriend and block him. It's complicated. Firstly, he's married to my friend. I was in their fucking wedding, for Christ's sake. Mostly, though, it's because if I do, he will view that as a victory. That I was weak and that I retreated.

I will never give him that satisfaction.

Despite the majority of the middle of the day being spent defending myself and my viewpoints, I actually kicked a lot of things off my to-do list. (Adrenaline = productivity. WOO!) I am trained to multitask, it's what I DO.

The other thing I do? is write. So I will go word for word, blow for blow with your endless counts of rhetoric. I will always find something to say. It might not be perfect, but it's sure as hell not going to slow me down.

And I will avoid attacking you personally or insulting you. (Granted, I won't stop my peers from insulting you. You're a big kid, you can handle it. At least I would hope so, as freely as you are willing to lash out at me.) Until you insult me, call me ignorant one too many times. Then I will flat out tell you to fuck off. I may try to be the bigger person, but I'm sure as fuck not a saint. I try and keep my profile clean for a wide variety of reasons (and all that latent profanity comes over here, aren't you all lucky, HA), but. I don't even care. Fuck him, fuck him times a million. He has no right to speak to me like that, on MY page no less. Anywhere, for that matter.

It's not okay to treat me like I am a lesser being, simply because I do not agree with you.

What made me feel better, though, is later, when other people started chiming in. It lifted the burden a little bit, and made me feel less alone. I got some side messages and even a text message from an out-of-state friend, people watching this unfold. Good for you, for fighting back. Little thumbs up and murmurs of appreciation. People standing up for me. Though I wasn't the one that needed to be stood up for today. Not quite.

What choice did I have, though? Someone has to speak up. Someone has to be the voice. There are so few things that I believe to my very core to be right, to be unarguable... that when one comes up, you can bet your ass I'm going to fight back.

It's genetic, really. I'm from a family of fighters. Ask anyone who knew my grandfather and his twin brother. Holy lord. I'm not sure how they never got arrested. Maybe they did. I don't know. It sounds like they were always in a fight somewhere. But people respected them. Eventually. ;)

(Just try fighting over the check at a restaurant with us once we've decided we want to pick it up. I dare you. You will lose.)

They fought with fists and we fight with words, but we're all stubborn and good-hearted and protective and loyal to a fault. You don't fuck with us unless you're in it for the long haul. Because we are never the first to back down.

And I'm not going to back down because someone is bullying me. Not anymore.

I spent too many years shrunk against the wall, quietly searching for acceptance, willing to be a doormat, keeping my mouth shut.

I don't enjoy confrontation, I don't enjoy fighting, I don't enjoy being unsettled. But sometimes, these things are necessary.

Someone has to do it, and today it was me.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Be honest.

Is this hat...


a) cute

b) dorky

Saturday, February 5, 2011

War of Words

I am a fighter, not a lover.

In general, but especially over this.

I will not lay down my arms; I will not silence my voice.

He calls me a liberal like it's a dirty word. Spits it out like poison.

I choose to wear this as a badge of honor.

If being a liberal means I am not like him, I will wear it with pride.

He insults my intelligence every time he speaks to me; he knows this is my Achilles heel. He pulls me into an argument which I can never win. But I can't ignore him and let the storm roll by.

I will not budge. Let us have it out in a public forum. He wants to troll my profile, fine. The response to my comments was overwhelmingly positive. I'm glad I posted the letter elsewhere, also. It gave me hope. There are others who hold this same truth. I have others to fall back on, to be held up by. He insults them as well, refers to them as my "liberal congregation". His tone is demeaning and exhausting. I would block him out of my life but that would give him a sense of personal victory. No, I will count to ten and speak my peace and move on. If it's a battle of rhetoric he wants, I have no choice but to oblige.

We are many, and he is one. History will be on our side. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually.

In the meantime, I will continue to fight, in the little ways that I can, with the only weapons I have.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

I've been pretty quiet on this for a while, because it doesn't even seem to me like something that should even be up for discussion, but I guess silly ol' little me is really naive and idealistic when it comes to things like basic rights for everyone.

Remember a couple years ago when Iowa was awesome and declared that banning same-sex marriages was unconstitutional? Yeah, that was pretty kick-ass. Here's my post on it, breaking down the decision and all the fallacies in the arguments from the narrow-minded bigots. I swear a lot, but in a good way. It's one of my favorite posts ever.

BUT now the dumbfucks in our legislature, undoubtedly spearheaded by the fact that we apparently felt the need to vote back in our governor from the 80's, who still thinks it's the 80's, who hates gays and funding education, are revisiting the issue and trying to propose a constitutional amendment. The House actually agreed to put it up to a vote... from what I hear, the Senate will probably quash it AS THEY SHOULD, but... GAH. Don't we have more important things to discuss? Like jobs, education, the economy? Why yes, yes we do. But let's go ahead and try and legislate some hate.

For the thousandth and a half time, what the fuck does it mean to "protect the institution of marriage"?! Skyrocketing divorce rates and rampant infidelity aren't already making the sanctity of that institution crumble? Someone please explain that to me.

And how the fucking fuck does it impact your marriage if someone else chooses to get married? Whether it's that bitch from your high school that you hate or whether it's two dudes, who gives a fuck? Your marriage is your marriage, and their marriage is their marriage.

AND THEN. And then. Apparently one of our representatives, a clearly insensitive bastard named Richard Anderson, declared that marriage was defined by those who could have children.

Envision, if you will, the sound of a record screeching to a halt.

(Ha. Records. How quaint. We are probably the last generation to remember what those even are.)

How dare he.

Maybe I'm just a bit hypersensitive to this because I've been following this gal's blog, and my eyes have been a bit more opened to the struggles and heartbreaks of those who have to deal with infertility. I felt like it was a huge slap in the face to people like her, and to everyone else who has to bear that burden.

Also, it just pisses me off, because, fuck. I will fight for gay marriage until I'm blue in the face, even though I myself will obviously never benefit from it.

I sputtered in indignation for a few minutes, and then I wrote this email, and I sent it.

Because all I really have are words, and instead of bitching to my own little corner, it's about damn time I started directing them towards people that are (unfortunately) holding the reins. I have doubts that he will even read it, much less care, but at least I did something.

Dear Mr. Anderson,

I am deeply concerned and offended by your remarks that marriage is to be defined by people that are able to have children together.

Not only is this a poor attempt at blocking same-sex marriage, but it is incredibly offensive and very insensitive to heterosexual couples who, for whatever reason, are unable to conceive. Do you mean to say that the marriage of an infertile couple is not valid? Or a couple that has passed their childbearing years?

Many of these couples already struggle with the fact that they are unable to have children. Your comments did no more than rub salt in an already ever-present wound. How dare you.

I do not believe that the sole purpose of a marriage is procreation. Maybe it's just my personal opinion, but it is my belief that a marriage is a commitment resulting from two people who love each other and are willing to spend their life with their chosen partner, for better, for worse. If they happen to have children, that is between them. If they cannot or chose not to have children, that is also between them. It does not make their bond any less real, any less valid.

I also strongly believe that trying to ban same-sex marriage is extremely unconstitutional. As for the argument that it threatens the sanctity or institution of marriage - what does that even mean?? I find it hard to believe that the skyrocketing divorce rates and rampant infidelity that occurs not just among "regular" folks but high-profile individuals, celebrities, athletes, politicians - how does this, in any way, shape, or form, promote the sanctity of marriage? Straight people obviously can't get it right... and yet how are we to be so high and mighty as to proclaim that this is the only way?

No, that argument is full of fallacy and is quite contemptible to even try to justify.

What you are trying to do is legislate hate. I was so proud of my state when the decision was made to allow same-sex marriage, and now I am disappointed. There is no such thing as separate-but-equal... Civil unions are not the same, and even at that, I feel like it's a consolation prize that has been offered to homosexual couples. It's telling them that they aren't good enough, aren't human enough, to enjoy the same rights and privileges as everyone else. And that is wrong.

The argument of tradition is weak, also. Tradition also dictates that women are property, women can't vote. Tradition dictates that interracial couples shouldn't be allowed to marry either. Tradition allows families to sell their daughters, to bind them into an arranged marriage. The very idea of bringing any of those "traditions" back would horrify any decent human. No, tradition isn't a good argument at all. This is the twenty-first century; things change, things evolve. We should be able to evolve with them.

The last one, then, is that of religion. I am aware that most religions don't necessarily condone same-sex pairings; that is up to the religion, and, ultimately, the individual churches. The legalization of same-sex marriage does not require religious institutions to marry anyone that they do not wish to. However, this is a state issue. As such, the line between church and state should remain firm. That is the very core of our country's laws. It is not right (nor is it legal) to try to legislate your personal beliefs and morality upon the population at large. The whole point of this country is freedom - that includes the freedom to love, the freedom to make a commitment. The freedom to marry whomever you chose.

I fail to see how any argument against same-sex marriage can be justified. Furthermore, I feel that you should issue an apology to those you have offended with your insensitive comments - to the infertile couples, to the childless couples. For all the couples you have implied whose marriage, whose partnership, is not valid.

Sincerely,

Kelly


Whatever, I'm all cranky now, and I need to get back to work. I hope you are all having a lovely day.