I've been feeling rather uninspired lately. And by uninspired, I mean uninteresting, and by uninteresting, I mean I've been reading too much lately and thus feel as though everything I write is shit. However, the only way out of that phase is to just fucking write something until the words seem to work again, so, here we are.
I finally returned to taekwondo last night. I've been avoiding it. In the summer, it was unavoidable, because I had too many conflicts with my softball coaching duties and so I told myself it would just be a short break. I came back a few times, now and then, feeling more inadequate and rusty than the time before. The first time I tried to return after a hiatus, I felt like bursting into tears in the middle of class, I was so... behind. It was like learning to walk all over again and I couldn't do it. It was terrible and I just made it harder by not going back. I coached another team in the fall, effectively taking me away from class for another couple months. And then it was the holidays, or I was busy, or I conveniently had to work late on nights there were class, or I oops lost track of time again. I was avoiding that starting-over point because I knew it was going to suck.
But I made up my mind. It was something I enjoyed doing, and I had made some really good friends there, who were all nagging me to return, and I knew it was either now or never. If I didn't just fucking pick up my shit and GO, I was never going to. There were too many excuses, but I was running out of them.
So I went.
I was more nervous before last night's class than I think I was over two years ago when I started as a newbie little white belt. But my muscle memory was amazing. I was rusty, sure, but for the most part, my body remembered what to do. The best part was, a lot of my bad habits and mind-blocks that I had before? I forgot those right along with all the stuff I was supposed to remember. Bit by bit, it came back. Not once did I want to cry. (Always a plus, right?). My balance was a bit shaky, but my form and movements were solid enough. It also didn't hurt that I'm carrying around a lot less weight than I was the last time I'd attended class on a somewhat regular basis. (My original uniform pants fit! YAY!). I even stuck around for the weapons class and picked up on the nunchucks fairly quickly. I used to have quite a bit of dexterity with my hands (FELLAS), as I once upon a time was a flag-twirler for our high school marching band. (Oh, God, I need to find some pictures.) #ThingsYouNeverKnewAboutMe.
Yeah, I hashtagged my own blog post. What of it?
So that felt pretty good. It hurts to extend my arms all the way, but overall, I'm not even too terribly sore. Which is good, because I'm getting ready to leave on a work trip and I'm going to be on my feet all day and moving around and I'm getting tired just thinking about it. At least it will be warm.
Unlike here. Where it finally snowed.
Ugh, you guys. I was loving our extended autumn. We have been so fucking spoiled and I've been desiring a good meadow-frolic because it's been in the forties on a regular basis and it's JANUARY in IOWA and this is so bizarre. But, right now, the wind is howling so hard I'm a bit worried about the structural integrity of my apartment (hyperbole alert) and it's snowing and miserably cold and I want to make little voodoo dolls of everyone that's been all "I want snow!" and then stick them in a snowbank. WHY? WHY do people want snow? I do not understand. There is nothing enjoyable about this, at all. The ONLY enjoyable thing about this is that I get to escape it for a week and head south.
And then, AND THEN, I came home, and there was a mysterious book-shaped package waiting for me. And I was like, "oh sweet!" and then about half a second later I was like, "wait... I haven't ordered anything recently due to the Hoarding Of All The Funds For Vegas and Christmas and the what not..." and so I ripped open the packaging and behold! A copy of Tina Fey's "Bossypants." CUE EXCITEMENT. Short-lived excitement that gave way to extreme confusion, though. "Did I buy this? I don't remember buying this. I know I was GOING to buy this, but I didn't, and... and... No, I didn't buy this OH GOD WHERE DID IT COME FROM THERE ARE MAGICAL BOOK FAIRIES AND THEY LOVE ME." I scoured that damn packing slip for some sort of clue and there was NONE TO BE HAD. I even went to Amazon and checked my order history to make sure I hadn't randomly purchased it and then forgot about it. (Actual thought that went through my head: "WHAT IF I AM SLEEP-SHOPPING AND BUYING RANDOM STUFF FROM THE INTERNET?!")
(This is highly unlikely if for no other reason than that once I am asleep, I am ASLEEP.)
So I posted to facebook and Twitter about my random good fortune and resigned myself to a fate of not knowing. Which, dear bloglets, if you know me at all, you know that I must know everything, and that would be a most torturous fate, indeed.
I sat there and pondered to myself. Where could this book have possibly come from? Did someone know I wanted it? Did they find it on my Amazon wish list? How else would they have known that this was something I needed in my life? (For real - it was the last book I was going to allow myself to buy this year before I cut myself off and forced myself to catch up on the books I already have. That, and The Bloggess's book, when it comes out. BUT THAT'S IT.) Or am I just the type of person that someone would be like, "hey, I think I should send her Tina Fey's book, because she's the sort of person that would enjoy Tina Fey's book, because Tina Fey is awesome and she has good taste so clearly she would love Tina Fey's book" or some other such convoluted nonsense. My mind travels in weird ways. I really shouldn't dictate them out loud. I should really delete this paragraph. But I've taken the effort to type it so you're going to be stuck with reading it. And that's what we call a dictatorship. Blogtatorship. Whatever. I don't know.
I'm totally trademarking that word, by the way. MINE.
But then! My mysterious book benefactor revealed herself because, well, she sucks about as bad as I do with keeping secrets. If I had pulled off a random act of kindness - or, as I retorted to someone's facebook comment, a random act of AWESOME - I would be kind of giddy with knowing something they didn't know and watching their reaction. I love seeing people's reactions when nice things happen to them. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Even if I'm not the one providing the aforementioned nice things. But moreso if I am. I like being a harbinger of nice.
Anyway. I am reserving one very large tackle-hug for the day when I finally get to hang out with this harbinger of awesome, who I am not naming so she can feel like she succeeded in her quest for random awesomeness even though she totally outed herself. I will also find some way to pay it forward to someone else. I smell a blog giveaway in the future.
So, that's my last 24 hours in a nutshell. I know, you've missed me 'round here. SUCH RIVETING CONTENT.