Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Your Facebook Status Will Not Cure Cancer. Especially If It's Not Even About Cancer.

HAY GUYS REMEMBER HOW WE DID THIS TOTALLY POINTLESS MEME ON FACEBOOK ABOUT OUR BRAS THAT EVERYONE MADE FUN OF BUT WE SAID IT WAS FOR AWARENESS SO THAT MAKES IT TOTES LEGITIMATE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH fuuuuuck me.

I got another one in my facebook inbox today. I shall paste it for you below. Your challenge is to tell me HOW this raises awareness for breast cancer. Or how it raises awareness for anything, for that matter, other than the remarkable human ability to buy into groupthink and blindlessly follow the leader like a pack of sheep.

Also, tell me if I'm wrong, here, but if the whole point is to raise awareness for a cause, wouldn't it be sort of counterproductive to keep what you are doing a secret from half the population? You're generating confusion, not awareness.

So, really, if you want to just play a little facebook meme game, fine. Just don't slap the words "breast cancer awareness" on it and pretend like you're doing anything any good or noble. We're all aware of it. You want to help out with breast cancer? Go participate in a Relay for Life event. Go give some money to someone doing some research. American Cancer Society. Susan G. Komen. These guys right here in my backyard (incidentally, who my company donates to with our breast cancer product proceeds). They're doing some great stuff but they need money. They don't need stupid facebook statuses.

Okay pretty ladies, it's that time of year again...support of Breast Cancer Awareness!! So we all remember last year's game of writing your bra color as your status? Or the way we like to have our handbag handy? Last year, so many people took part that it made national news and the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we're doing this and helped raise ...awareness!! Do NOT tell any males what the statuses mean...keep them guessing!! And please copy and paste (in a message) this to all your female friends! It's time to confuse the men again (not that it's really that hard to do ;]) The idea is to choose the month you were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to the GIRLS ONLY and lets see how far it reaches around. The last one about the bra went around all over the world. Your status should say: "I am going to________________for___________ months."


The day you were born should be for how many months you are going.

January--Mexico
February-- London
March--Miami
April—Dominican Republic
May--France
June-- St Peters burg
July--Austria
August--Germany
September--New York
October - Amsterdam,
November - Las Vegas,
December - Alaska



What. the. fuck.

I'm going to New York for 23 months, guys.

To cure cancer.

Obviously.

And now I remember why I do what I do every day. Because the merchandise that I help create, and pour my blood, sweat, and tears out over (okay, mostly sweat and tears, but sometimes I get papercuts too) - we're raising money to help fight cancer. I don't care which cancer. Any of them. We get one, we'll get the others. I like to think it's like the spaceships in Independence Day. You figure out how to destroy one, and you tell everyone else, and pretty soon those bitches are going down in flames.

Cancer, you are our alien spaceship. Once we find our Will Smith, you're fucked.

But seriously. Girls on facebook? Stop it. Just stop it. There are better ways to spread awareness and get shit accomplished. I promise.

6 comments:

FDR said...

Thanks for clarifying the Facebook thing for me. My wife (a breast cancer survivor) and I agree with your rant. Keep up the good thoughts.

Megs said...

Dude. I hate this shit. I especially hate the super coy, oh men are so silly and dumb, and will be total bewildered.

Also, AMEN. I mean, I have lost 2 very important people in my life to breast cancer already. And I have breasts. And a lot of my friends have breasts. And Susan G Komen happens every year (PS- rasing awareness and money! Novel!) And every time I go have my lady parts checked, my doctor pokes at my boobs in an uncomfortable way. I'M AWARE, OKAY?

terra said...

I got this same thing and I stared my computer and blinked at for five minutes trying to rationalize why on the fucking planet Earth anyone would send that shit to me and expect it to help cure cancer. It's so dumb and so annoying. It makes people feel warm for five seconds because they cut and paste but really, they're just fucking idiots. /rant

Megs said...

You know, if you really insist on using facebook to "raise awareness" (which is totally a cop out, but whatever) then at least post something like, "Hey! Breast cancer is bad!" Because at least then you are actually talking about the thing you are raising awareness for.

Ps I'm still pissed at this whole "Let's keep the boys in the dark!" thing. It's so incredibly stupid. We are raising awareness, but we want our awareness raising to be a secret. From men. Because they are easily confused. Seriously. WTF. If someone said that about WOMEN, we would rise up as one body and smite them down unto the 7th freaking generation. But it's okay to do it to men. Argh.

ameena said...

don't forget the one about the purses. this shit seriously pisses me off. it just fuels the age we are in where people feel like talking about something is enough. yeah, everyone is aware of cancer. so what are you going to do about it?

also, slightly related rant: yesterday on facebook i saw this picture of a little boy who was connected to a lot of tubes and looked very ill. the caption for the picture was "if this boy gets 100 shares he will get a free transplant" what the fuck kind of charity would deprive a child of a free transplant because he got 99 shares? after some investigating, i found out the whole thing was a hoax. so more importantly, what the fuck kind of person would spread a picture of a very ill child as a sick and twisted joke?

//end ridiculously angry facebook rant.

Tori said...

DUDE I KNOW RIGHT? No one filled me in on last year's bra color thing, and so I was just as confused / annoyed as all my guy friends because I didn't know WTF was going on. And then when everyone was like, "OH IT'S TO RAISE AWARENESS FOR CANCER," my response was exactly what you said - "How can you raise awareness for something without actually mentioning it AT ALL?"

Hate, hate, hate.